To be honest, I have not been to a church service in over a year. It's not that I am not a Christian. But for me, I had some major paranoid episodes the few weeks before I chose not to go back for awhile.
Paranoia can be terrifying. I could not even sit still in the service. I constantly had to get up and go to the entrance doors to see if the FBI was outside. I hallucinated sirens almost the whole service. I cut my last service short because I could not stand my paranoia
May I repeat,,, Paranoia can be terrifying. I also thought the pastors wanted me out of the church. I felt like I could not put a voice to what I was dealing with.
I still am fearful to go back to a church because sometimes I feel like people are gong to judge me without me explaining what I am going through. Or maybe they they will think I don't have the Holy Spirit in me, which I do. I'm just having a hard time like everyone has. Nobody is immune to the mountains that need to be climbed in life.
What I can say is that God loves me unconditionally.
This morning I went for a run as I listened to Hillsong worship songs I felt God's presence in me. After a rough week of fighting paranoia. psychosis and flashbacks, I needed it.
Nobody is immune to God's work in our lives..
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