Letter to my Future Child(ren)

Dearest future son and/or daughter,

I have heard that being a mother is one of the most difficult but most rewarding “jobs” in the world. But you see, I do not think of it as a job. I see it as a beautiful and wonderful part of life for a woman. I am extremely excited about you coming into my life.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and I promise that I will take care of you more than I have ever cared for someone or something before.

I promise that though I am bound to make mistakes, I will learn from them and that I will love you unconditionally, even on the hardest days.

If you are LGBT, I promise that I will love you until my last day here on earth. I will remind you how much courage God has given you to face the challenges of being different. I will remind you that you are always loved by me. I will not judge you. Instead, I will be proud of you. You will always be my wonderful child. I know that nothing about you is an accident and that you are an amazing part of my life,

If you are adopted by me, I will love you as if you are my birth child. I will not look at you differently. I will help you grow and help you create the life you want to have. I will love you unconditionally and I will learn how to be the best mother I can be for you. I will be there for you if and when you find yourself wondering about your birth parents.

If you are disabled, I will tell you that I am disabled as well and that I will help you through daily life meeting the tough times. I will look beyond your disability and help you achieve any goals or dreams you have.  I will teach you that the impossible can be possible. I will not look at you differently. You see, I have worked with hundreds of children and adults with special needs and I will be proud to be your mother. I will guide you through challenging days. I will help you to know your capabilities and not to focus on what you cannot do. Because this world needs you. I need you.

If you are different in any other way, I will embrace your differences and never stop loving you. After all, our differences are what make our lives exciting, not dull.

Now a few things you should know about me is that I struggle daily with Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 1 type, and PTSD. I daily struggle with hallucinations, paranoia, flashbacks, psychosis, mania and depression. But that does not stop me from loving you or making your life worth living. I face my own challenges and want to help you do the same.

I believe in God. I feel God’s presence when I am running or walking through nature. God is not a distant God. He helps me get through each day and I know He will help me to raise you in the best possible way I can. I learned unconditional love through God’s love towards me. I know that we are all special and loved by Him, no matter if He feels distant or not.

I love to run. Currently, I am training for a Half Marathon. I want to run in the NYC Marathon within the next 5 years. Running the marathon is a dream of mine and I will teach you as you grow up to reach for your dreams. Follow your dreams. They are what make this life so beautiful.  When I run, I raise money for charities. I want to show you how to make a difference in the lives of many and that caring for others Is an important part of life.

I will undoubtedly not be a perfect mother or even the best mother in the world but I promise I will aim to be the best mother I can be for you.

Dearest son and/or daughter, I cannot wait until you enter into this world. I know that you are going to make a difference in all of the lives of the people around you, especially mine. I cannot wait to hold you and hug you. I cannot wait to make you giggle. I cannot wait to let you know that you are beautiful and that you are loved, no matter what. I cannot wait to help you dream and then follow your dreams. I cannot wait to watch you grow.