REALLY? smh.

Last night, one of my favorite singers posted on Facebook about something that happened to them. Natalie Grant was scammed over a year ago. A woman evidently called her saying that her daughter was dying from cancer and that she wanted to talk to Natalie. It was all a scam.

The woman evidently did this to many celebrities.

The story can be seen here: http://abcnews.go.com/US/uncovering-dying-daughter-hoax-lured-celebrities/story?id=20793858&singlePage=true

It's a lengthy read but it is worth it.

So why did this woman make up this story?

She evidently suffers from depression and was out for attention and a need for relationships with others.

This cut deep when I read the story. Not only was I angered when I read what she did to these people but it cut deep because I have had people not believe my own life story and tell me I am out for attention. Seriously... I opened up to a few people about what I endured as a child when I was younger and they did not believe me. This made me doubt myself and my memories. I still sometimes have doubts because of the reactions I got. I was actually talking to my therapist the other day about my situation and she said, "I've had people who were abused every day and nobody knew." I have had someone tell me that when I was in and out of hospitals for suicidal ideation as a teenager that I was out for attention. 

And to think that people actually make up stories like this to get attention makes me sick.

But at the same time, I empathize with the woman to a point because she has a mental illness. Mental illness makes you sometimes do things you regret, sometimes makes you do things out of the ordinary. "Crazy." But I still do not think that is an excuse for what she did.

One of the things that the celebrities said in the article that really resonated with me is that they hope this situation does not stop celebrities from reaching out to the suffering. Just because one person made up a story for attention does not mean that everyone does it. There really are suffering people out there who look up to artists and listen to their music for inspiration, me being one of them.

Adaptation

Ugh... I am SO tired. I keep waking up at 6:30am because I still haven't gotten used to Daylight Savings Time.

It's made me think about how we adapt to things in our lives. Adaptation is one of the key aspects of what it means to be human, or any animal in fact.

Many people know that one of my interests is in neuroscience and we talk a lot about adaptation in our classes. We even have talked about adaptation in a psychology class.

Adaptation is important because it helps us survive. When I was going through abuse and neglect, I had to adapt to my surroundings in order to survive. That's one of the reasons my brain has caused me to have post traumatic stress disorder. My stress level was so high in that situation that my stress level is still high, years later.

I've had to kind of learn to "unadapt." I've had to learn that teach my brain to realize that it is not in those high stress situations anymore. It's not easy and I take it day by day, but I am very thankful that I was able to adapt in order to survive.

Impossible or Possible?

"'Is anything too hard for the Lord?' No, nothing is too difficult when we believe in Him enough to go forward, doing His will and letting Him do the impossible for us."
-L.B. Cowman, Streams in the Desert, Nov. 5 Devotion

Have you ever thought or felt like something was impossible?

I have.

The first thing that popped into my head when I was thinking about that question was the day, when I was a teenager, when we found out we were being evicted. It was the beginning of the summer before my senior year of high school. I wondered how I would make it through. I wondered where I would stay, if I would stay at my high school, when we would have enough money to live somewhere, and how long we would be homeless. Needless to say, the road ahead looked insurmountable.

But God had wonderful plans...

I talked to someone at my church and they set me up to volunteer at a camp for kids and adults with special needs for a few weeks. The camp provided me with housing and food, and yet I gained so much more than that. That summer, watching the kids and adults achieve things they never thought was possible, like climbing a rock wall, showed me that God really can do the impossible. I went there to volunteer, yet I gained more than I ever thought I would. I was encouraged to make it through homelessness.

When I was not at the camp, I couch-surfed in about six homes of friends. When it came time to go back to school, I was living with my godmother in a city far from my hometown. The officials at my high school said that if I were to stay there to finish up senior year, I would have to finish high school somewhere else. So I called a few friends from my home town and one said that I could stay at their home in order to finish at the same high school.

During my senior year of high school, while I was still homeless, I took 5 AP courses and 2 honors courses, something that seemed impossible to many. But I kept trusting God...

God has continually shown me that nothing is too big or too impossible for Him. Through Him, it is possible to get through the impossible.

Wholeness and Peace

"You must be willing to face your past in the presence of Jesus. He can heal your brokenness and bring peace to your soul. He replaces defilement with wholeness, and emptiness with peace."
-Rebecca Lutzer, Jesus, Lover of a Woman's Soul

I can testify to the truth in this quote.

This past year, I have struggled to personally come to terms with my past. It is a past full of ups and downs, obstacles and triumphs. As many of you know, I have overcome abuse, homelessness, loss and neglect. Currently, I deal with multiple mental illnesses on a daily basis.

There has not been one easy year in my life. I have been challenged all the time. I am actually more used to being challenged than not. When I get an easy point in my life, it feels awkward.

Through God, I am coming to terms with my past and moving forward. He is changing my life to bring me wholeness and peace, something I don't think I could experience apart from God.

I can say from experience that God can bring us hope when we are the most hopeless. He can bring us peace when the world seems like it's caving in. He can bring us wholeness when we feel like a million shattered pieces.

Knowledge of God

I read this in a devotional this morning and it spoke to me...

"Our capacity for knowing God is enlarged when we are brought by Him into circumstances that cause us to exercise our faith. So when difficulties block our path, may we thank God that He is taking time to deal with us. and then may we lean heavily on Him.
-L. B. Cowman, Streams in the Desert, Nov. 3 Devotion

I can say personally that my struggles and trials that I have been through have brought me closer to God and that my capacity for knowing Him has grown through my difficulties. I think it's because in the difficult times, we have to depend on God in a whole new way. We learn more about His goodness, grace and peace.

In the difficulties, we learn more deeply the character of God. Almost the deeper the circumstances, the deeper the knowledge of God.

Long Distance Relationship

Has God ever seemed silent in your life? Have you ever felt far away from Him?

If you are like me, you have had seasons in your life when God feels more silent. Prayers seemingly go unanswered. You start to question if God really cares. He feels distant.

I currently am in a phase where God doesn't feel as close as He did earlier this year. I actually felt closer to Him last semester, when I was going through my psychosis and paranoia episodes. I had to depend on Him to survive.

When things are harder, sometimes it seems that it's easier to be close to God.

"What are we to do when God is silent? This woman tells us that we must continue worshiping, asking and believing."
-Rebecca Lutzer, Jesus, Lover of a Woman's Soul

I think the biggest thing separating me from feeling God's presence is that my time is spent doing other things not related to my relationship with God, particularly schoolwork. I just came out of a crazy 2-week period with a ton of homework and exams, whereas I spent most of this summer going to the lake and spending time with God, something that I rarely have time to do now.

In the moments that we feel far away from God, we have to stop and find out what's causing the separation. We are not meant to feel far away from Him, even though I feel like it is a natural thing in this life. God is ever-present and always with us. It may just be that we are not taking time to be with Him and to listen to Him.

No matter where you are with your relationship with God, keep worshiping, asking and believing...

Side Effects

This is what the sunrise looked like this morning. I don't think the photo does the sunrise justice. It was absolutely magnificent.

It was honestly really nice to wake up to a beautiful sunrise. I have had nightmares for the past few weeks, every single night. Needless to say, my nights have not been full of peaceful rest.

As much as I love being stable, the medications I'm on have serious side effects and I may ask my psychiatrist to change them to other medications. It's scary to change medications but I think it may be time... and so does my therapist.

On the medications, I've gained about 40 pounds and had memory loss issues, among other side effects.

For example, I failed my third midterm... very badly. I studied for over 15 hours, got to the exam and literally forgot everything I had studied. I guessed on the majority of the exam. To say it was frustrating is a grave understatement. I knew the material, but could not recall anything. I'm used to memorizing everything in a couple hours and getting high A's on every exam. I have tried not to be hard on myself, especially since I can drop the grade, but I'm frustrated that my memory is not as good as it used to be. I do not feel as confident as I did.

Psychoactive medications can be frustrating with various side effects, but I will continue to move forward.