Never Give In...

I think it's been a few months since I last posted. But through that time, there have been points where I wanted to blog but didn't know what to say. I don't know when my next post will be but I had some stuff to say...

Currently I am not working because I am still mentally ill. I am sick. One of the first questions I get from people is where I work. I don't always know what to say so I just say I'm sick and not able to work. Someone I talked to the other day said "Well you don't look sick." I left it at that although I wanted to tell the person that mental illness is often invisible. When I'm paranoid or psychotic and I know it, I try not to let other people in on it. Sometimes for fear that they may make fun of me and make it worse.

Not too long ago, I celebrated my 13 month anniversary of being out of the hospital. This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks in a long time. I've been more paranoid and anxious than normal. Some personal things came up that I have to sort through. But I am very happy to have been able to stay out of the hospital. The one thing I have learned the most through being mentally ill is that you never should give up. Often I write about motivational things and I don't always know what to say to motivate others except to say that you should look at how God has carried you through the difficult times in your life.

If you're like me, you've noticed God's fingerprint even in the most difficult of circumstances. God has guided me, held my hand and been there through everything, even when I am at my sickest. When I was in the hospital last year, even in my worst paranoid thinking, I recited the Lord's Prayer. Looking back on that, I know it was God getting through to me even in the darkest times, letting me know He was there with me.

I am really excited about something that is happening in my life. My brother and I are beginning to train for a Half Marathon next year and then hopefully doing the NYC Marathon the next year. This has been a dream of mine ever since I was a little kid. There is something about running 26.2 miles that motivates the mind. There are times when running that you want to give up. You want to give in to your tired muscles. You're completely out of breath. You just want to stop but then you get a runner's high and you keep going, even through the darkest moments of the race.

And I believe that's what God wants for each of us in this thing we call life. He wants each of us to keep going, to not give up, to fight until the end, to keep going despite the bad voices...