Hippy Jesus

"Jesus was drawn to those who were powerless, those who were marginalized, those who needed help and admitted it. The same is true today."
-Rebecca Lutzer, Jesus, Lover of a Woman's Soul

As I read this just a few minutes ago, I was reminded of many conversations that I've had over the years with friends about Jesus and what He stood/stands for.

A few months ago, I was talking to one friend who is an atheist, he said that he liked my idea of Christ, much like the one above, calling it a "Hippy Jesus." I do not necessarily think of Jesus as a hippy but rather someone who cares and understands us on a deeper level than anyone can. He accepts our faults and loves us regardless of them. He welcomes the ones who others do not welcome. He opens his arms to all and loves the marginalized, the hurt and the desperate.

One reason I like this quote is that Jesus was drawn to "those who needed help and admitted it." The first step of AA is that people realize that they need help. They become willing to fix what they are doing wrong in order to become better people. Jesus opens his arms to those who seek help.

We all have faults but Jesus looks past them and loves us as we are.

Today, instead of finding faults in others, embrace those who you would not normally embrace, love those who you would not usually love and share the love of God with everyone you encounter.

Not My Fault

"The truth is that the things that came out of the heart of your abuser were the things that made him or her unclean. The abuse did not come from you, and it does not make you dirty."
-Diane Langberg, On the Threshold of Hope

As many of you know, I was abused in every way as a child. For many years, I have blamed myself and thought of myself as dirty. Rereading this quote was inspirational to me this morning.

Why?

Well, it puts the blame not on the absued but on the abuser.

It has taken me many years to get to the point that I am not blaming myself for what happened. I still do from time to time. "There must be something wrong with me... Why did it happen to me? I must have done something wrong..." Those types of thoughts invade my very being.

But as I continue to realize, it was not my fault and everything that happens that has been caused by the abuse is not my fault either.

It has taken a long time to get here, but I am moving forward.

Side Effects

I found out yesterday that I passed my second exam, actually getting a score that was above the average.

This was no small feat.

You see, I have side effects from the medications that make schoolwork much harder than it is when I'm off the medications. Mainly, I have very intense memory problems. I can study for 8 hours, sit down at the test and forget everything that I learned. What normally took me 2 hours to study now takes about 15 hours. My memory was kind of thrown out the window with the medications.

So why take the medications?

Because they cause me to be stable and take away my mental illness, my psychosis and some of my paranoia. In order to function, I need to take the medications, even if they make things harder.

Yes, it's frustrating, but I know that if I work hard enough, I will be able to pass my classes this semester in order to graduate.

Last semester, I was challenged with many hospitalizations. This semester, I have had no hospitalizations but I am being challenged with the medication side effects.

Needless to say, I live for challenges. Being challenged makes successes all the more meaningful.

Stories and Voices

"Their struggle to find words is often slow and terrifying. At the same time there seems to be a drive to give witness to the truth, and it has been very clear that giving voice to their stories and the depth of their suffering has been a major vehicle for healing in their lives."
-Diane Langberg, On the Threshold of Hope

Have you ever had a chance to tell your story?

If not, it is one of the most powerful things you can do.

Last Wednesday, I spoke about my testimony to God at my church and how God has worked in the deepest and darkest moments of my life. A few years ago, I spoke at Take Back the Night, a gathering to give voices to those who have been abused. When I was a teenager, I remember the first time I told some of my story at a retreat. Not an eye was dry, tears were flowing. One of the main reasons I blog every day is to give voice to my struggles and to process them in a positive way.

Whatever your story is, whatever struggles you have been through, give voice to them. You have fought through difficulties to get where you are and that is incredible and should be shared.

I want to leave you challenged to share your story, whatever that may be. Because the more we hide our struggles, the more the stigmas proceed and the more our true voices are shut down.

Deliverance

"Whatever your story, however you managed to survive, whatever has been done to you, or by you, he has delivered, he will deliver, and he will continue to deliver."
-On the Threshold of Hope, Diane Langberg

I couldn't think of what to write about so I looked through some quotes I had written from books I have read and this quote spoke to me this morning.

Sometimes it's hard when we are going through difficulties to remember that God loves us and that He wants to deliver us. Sometimes it's hard to even believe that He has delivered us.

What does it mean to be delivered?, I thought to myself...

Dictionary.com says it means to be emancipated, rescued, redeemed or released. The first words that came to my mind were "to be set free." God allows us to be set free from the misery and hardships that we face. He sets us free from the captivity.

In my own life, I have been through more traumatic experiences than I can count on one hand. A few months ago, I went to the therapist to start working with her and I had to fill out a form about all of the trauma I've faced. There were only two out of something like 11 traumatic experiences that I haven't been through. Needless to say, I have had to be set free from a lot.

God wants to free us. He doesn't want us to be stuck in the past, replaying the traumatic experiences or difficulties we've gone through. He wants us to, as my pastor says, be "happy, healthy and whole." He wants us to move forward.

Blessing to Others

I apologize beforehand for this post being brief... I have two exams next week that need to be studied for.

I spent the last two hours donating platelets. It means more than words can say to be able to donate blood, to know that I am helping save lives.

I was amazed by how many people were there this morning. There were about 6 other people today. Usually I am the only one. It was a complete blessing to see everyone donating.

My challenge for you today and in the coming days is to do something nice for others. Take time out to do a random act of kindness. It does not have to be big. It can be small. Just do something nice for others.

God calls us to be a blessing to others during our short time here on earth. So in the famous words of Nike, "Just do it."

Hard Pressed on Every Side

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed but not in despair;

persecuted but not abandoned;

struck down but not destroyed."

-2 Corinthians 4:8-9

As I read this Bible verse this morning, I was reminded of all the times I thought something was impossible and yet God allowed me to do the impossible.

I can't believe I'm going to graduate with my Masters in a month and a half. I am doing it for all the people who have ever been told they couldn't do something. I am doing it for all the people who were told they would never make it. I am doing it for all the people who, like me, have had great difficulties in their lives and just want to be successful.

For sure, I've had moments when I was hard pressed on every side, perplexed, persecuted and struck down. But I keep moving forward. I am not destroyed. Abuse, neglect, loss, homelessness, mental illness... they haven't stopped me from achieving my dreams.

By God's grace, I continue to move forward. God truly allows us to do the impossible. Through God, I've been able to lift myself up after a fall.

When people hear my story, I do not want them to think about all I've been through. Instead, I want them to see how big God is and how He has truly helped me achieve the impossible.