I just came across this quote and I needed to hear it this morning.
"You are not defined by anything that happened to you or anything you have done. You are defined by who you are in Christ. You are God's beloved child."
-Beth Moore, Breaking Free
This quote spoke to me this morning because sometimes, I think I am defined by my past, by my past regrets and mistakes.
But I'm not.
I am God's precious child.
And so are you!
The truth is that we are all God's children and we all can move forward from our past. We all can find strength inside us to move past the past, strength that is given to us through God's love. And that is the strength I am finding within myself each and every day that I choose to move forward.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
My Thoughts on Miley
Most have you have heard a lot about the things that Miley Cyrus has been doing. I, for one, have tried my best to stay out of the news, which is barely possible with the statuses and news scrolling down my Facebook news feed.
I still don't exactly know what went on at the VMA's, seeing as I've been avoiding it, but I know there just was way too much sexuality. I can't believe that just a few years ago, I heard about Janet Jackson's bra mishap at an awards show. It was all over the news and people thought it was just absolutely crazy. And now, we turn on the TV just a few years later to what? Miley Cyrus....you know what. A whole new level.
I tried my best to ignore the Miley Cyrus "craze."
But then something recently came up that really hits home for me.
In the past few days, there has been correspondence between Sinead O'Connor and Miley. It got to the point that Miley tweeted about O'Connor's battle with bipolar disorder, mocking her struggles.
As someone who has battled with schizophrenia and bipolar for years, watching Miley Cyrus, someone I used to look up to when I was younger, make fun of somebody else's similar battle really shook me. It shook me to the core and really hit home.
All I can do is sit and say, "Is this what our world has come to?"
I, for one, hope that Miley is not diagnosed with any mental illness, because I do not want to be in any way associated with her at this point. I know a ton of people with mental illness that are not even close to as wild as she is being now.
The mentally ill are not to be made fun of. Many of us struggle day to day and barely make it through to another day. It is not facetious in any way, shape or form and it is not something to poke fun of.
I lost my oldest brother to suicide, possibly caused by bipolar disorder. That is not funny at all.
I am proud to be surviving my battle with my mental illnesses. It is a daily struggle at times, but it is incredibly rewarding at other times.
I still don't exactly know what went on at the VMA's, seeing as I've been avoiding it, but I know there just was way too much sexuality. I can't believe that just a few years ago, I heard about Janet Jackson's bra mishap at an awards show. It was all over the news and people thought it was just absolutely crazy. And now, we turn on the TV just a few years later to what? Miley Cyrus....you know what. A whole new level.
I tried my best to ignore the Miley Cyrus "craze."
But then something recently came up that really hits home for me.
In the past few days, there has been correspondence between Sinead O'Connor and Miley. It got to the point that Miley tweeted about O'Connor's battle with bipolar disorder, mocking her struggles.
As someone who has battled with schizophrenia and bipolar for years, watching Miley Cyrus, someone I used to look up to when I was younger, make fun of somebody else's similar battle really shook me. It shook me to the core and really hit home.
All I can do is sit and say, "Is this what our world has come to?"
I, for one, hope that Miley is not diagnosed with any mental illness, because I do not want to be in any way associated with her at this point. I know a ton of people with mental illness that are not even close to as wild as she is being now.
The mentally ill are not to be made fun of. Many of us struggle day to day and barely make it through to another day. It is not facetious in any way, shape or form and it is not something to poke fun of.
I lost my oldest brother to suicide, possibly caused by bipolar disorder. That is not funny at all.
I am proud to be surviving my battle with my mental illnesses. It is a daily struggle at times, but it is incredibly rewarding at other times.
Awe and Wonder
I started reading chapter 5 of The Ragamuffin Gospel yesterday on my way to see my therapist. From the get-go, the chapter is about how the grace of God is kind of forgotten in our society. We have lost the wonder we had as children living in the world, asking "why" over and over and seeing the beauty in everything around us.
"Our world is saturated with grace, and the lurking presence of God is revealed not only in spirit but in matter- in a deer leaping across a meadow, in the flight of an eagle, in fire and in water, in a rainbow after a summer storm, in a gentle doe streaking through a forest, in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, in a child licking a chocolate ice cream cone, in a woman with windblown hair. God intended for us to discover His loving presence in the world around us."
-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
I admit that I know I've lost some of the wonder I had as a child. Even when I was a freshman in college, I had more wonder than I have now. The summer after freshman year, I went to UVA to do cancer research. I was so ecstatic and soon found myself in awe of the instruments I was using and the research I was doing. Every new thing about research amazed me.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the awe and wonder I once had about the world. I wish I could find that inspiration inside of me even more, in which I see the beauty in everything in God's creation. I do definitely have moments in which I am in absolute awe of God, but I wish it was more often.
"Our world is saturated with grace, and the lurking presence of God is revealed not only in spirit but in matter- in a deer leaping across a meadow, in the flight of an eagle, in fire and in water, in a rainbow after a summer storm, in a gentle doe streaking through a forest, in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, in a child licking a chocolate ice cream cone, in a woman with windblown hair. God intended for us to discover His loving presence in the world around us."
-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
I admit that I know I've lost some of the wonder I had as a child. Even when I was a freshman in college, I had more wonder than I have now. The summer after freshman year, I went to UVA to do cancer research. I was so ecstatic and soon found myself in awe of the instruments I was using and the research I was doing. Every new thing about research amazed me.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the awe and wonder I once had about the world. I wish I could find that inspiration inside of me even more, in which I see the beauty in everything in God's creation. I do definitely have moments in which I am in absolute awe of God, but I wish it was more often.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Making It Through
I have been counting down the days until I celebrate 6 months with no hospitalization. Half a year... I have 6 days left. I am really being challenged right now, but I think I can make it. I've been the closest to a hospitalization than I've been in awhile. If I am successful in making it to 6 months, it will be the longest stretch I've gone without a hospitalization since 2010. Not a small feat.
Sometimes we just need to take it day by day, step by step. Some say we take it in "baby steps." As my mom always says, "Progress not perfection." We don't have to be perfect, but we just have to keep moving forward and making progress.
This past week, I felt very overwhelmed at times. Worried thoughts were coarsing through my mind. Fear was running rampant. But I took the necessary steps I needed to in order to stay out of the hospital. Things are still very rough but I am making it through each day.
Some days are harder than others, but if we stay in tune with God and allow Him to strengthen us, we can make it through anything.
I wanted to share two songs that have been on replay for the past few days. I hope and pray that they speak to you in a powerful way, in the same way that they have for me.
Worn- Tenth Avenue North
Sometimes we just need to take it day by day, step by step. Some say we take it in "baby steps." As my mom always says, "Progress not perfection." We don't have to be perfect, but we just have to keep moving forward and making progress.
This past week, I felt very overwhelmed at times. Worried thoughts were coarsing through my mind. Fear was running rampant. But I took the necessary steps I needed to in order to stay out of the hospital. Things are still very rough but I am making it through each day.
Some days are harder than others, but if we stay in tune with God and allow Him to strengthen us, we can make it through anything.
I wanted to share two songs that have been on replay for the past few days. I hope and pray that they speak to you in a powerful way, in the same way that they have for me.
Worn- Tenth Avenue North
Overcomer- Mandisa
Thursday, October 3, 2013
No Tears Left
Something really difficult is happening in my life right now, but I am not really able to blog about it at this time. All I ask is that you pray for my family. We need your prayers desparately to get through this time. It is incredibly rough and right now, I am honestly just trying to stay out of the hospital.
I am frustrated, tired, and worn out.
Sometimes stuff goes wrong in our lives. Sometimes we are frustrated with circumstances. Sometimes we don't know which way is up or down. Sometimes we are hurt and we don't know how to fix it. Sometimes our patience is running thin. Sometimes we just want to weep but we have no tears left.
Right now, I'm all of the above.
And in those times, we are called to trust God. We are called to surrender our circumstances to Him and trust that He has great plans for our lives. We are called to believe that a better day truly is on its way and that things won't get worse.
Sometimes it's hard to trust but there's no other option.
I am frustrated, tired, and worn out.
Sometimes stuff goes wrong in our lives. Sometimes we are frustrated with circumstances. Sometimes we don't know which way is up or down. Sometimes we are hurt and we don't know how to fix it. Sometimes our patience is running thin. Sometimes we just want to weep but we have no tears left.
Right now, I'm all of the above.
And in those times, we are called to trust God. We are called to surrender our circumstances to Him and trust that He has great plans for our lives. We are called to believe that a better day truly is on its way and that things won't get worse.
Sometimes it's hard to trust but there's no other option.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Free to Trust
"To believe deeply, as Jesus did, that God is present and at work in human life is to understand that I am a beloved child of this Father and, hence, free to trust... To trust Abba, both in prayer and life, is to stand in childlike openness before a mystery of gracious love and acceptance."
-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
We are currently on Chapter Four of this book in my Bible study and I honestly think this is the most powerful chapter so far. I read the chapter twice because there's just so much to digest and take in.
This quote spoke to me because sometimes it's hard for me to trust God when He works in my life. It's hard sometimes to give over the control of my life, even though I know that God is good. Often, I want the control because I feel "safer" with control in my own hands.
Why should I trust God? Why should we trust God?
Because God holds this world in His hands. He is a gracious God, loving and accepting. He is our true Father. He cares about us deeper than anyone can. He knows us on a level that nobody else can. His love is so incomparable, radiating through every aspect of our lives, if we trust Him. There is nothing we go through in this life that God can't handle or help us through.
I want to leave with another quote from Chapter Four.
"To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace."
-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
We are currently on Chapter Four of this book in my Bible study and I honestly think this is the most powerful chapter so far. I read the chapter twice because there's just so much to digest and take in.
This quote spoke to me because sometimes it's hard for me to trust God when He works in my life. It's hard sometimes to give over the control of my life, even though I know that God is good. Often, I want the control because I feel "safer" with control in my own hands.
Why should I trust God? Why should we trust God?
Because God holds this world in His hands. He is a gracious God, loving and accepting. He is our true Father. He cares about us deeper than anyone can. He knows us on a level that nobody else can. His love is so incomparable, radiating through every aspect of our lives, if we trust Him. There is nothing we go through in this life that God can't handle or help us through.
I want to leave with another quote from Chapter Four.
"To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace."
-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
What a Catastrophe!
As I sat in the dentist's chair with the bright light shining down into my eyes yesterday, my anxiety coursed through my veins. But I went. My paranoia was a bit worse yesterday after my appointment, but the outcome of my appointment was better than I thought it would be.
Sometimes we need to face our worst fears in order to move forward. I was so scared about going that I thought of the worst case scenario. I dreamed and thought the worst case scenario for days and then when it came time for the appointment, it went better than expected and I was relieved.
I am a worst-case scenario type of thinker. I tend to imagine the worst case scenarios of everything I encounter. My anxiety is almost always on alert.
I am a catastrophizer, I admit it.
A couple weeks ago, I had an exam and afterwards, I thought I failed it. This turned into "I think I'm going to have to drop this class and stay another semester just for one class. Then my financial aid won't go through. Then I will become homeless because I won't have any place to stay. Then I'll just be..." You get the picture.... The rabbit trail of worst cases.
Anyways, I passed the exam and got 9 points above the average. Needless to say, I was very happy and am still excited.
But I don't think that catastrophizing and "worst-case-scenario-izing" is how God wants us to live. I think God wants us to live thinking about the best case scenarios. He doesn't want our anxiety and stress to always be high. He wants us to trust Him that everything will work out and that we have nothing to worry about.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
Sometimes we need to face our worst fears in order to move forward. I was so scared about going that I thought of the worst case scenario. I dreamed and thought the worst case scenario for days and then when it came time for the appointment, it went better than expected and I was relieved.
I am a worst-case scenario type of thinker. I tend to imagine the worst case scenarios of everything I encounter. My anxiety is almost always on alert.
I am a catastrophizer, I admit it.
A couple weeks ago, I had an exam and afterwards, I thought I failed it. This turned into "I think I'm going to have to drop this class and stay another semester just for one class. Then my financial aid won't go through. Then I will become homeless because I won't have any place to stay. Then I'll just be..." You get the picture.... The rabbit trail of worst cases.
Anyways, I passed the exam and got 9 points above the average. Needless to say, I was very happy and am still excited.
But I don't think that catastrophizing and "worst-case-scenario-izing" is how God wants us to live. I think God wants us to live thinking about the best case scenarios. He doesn't want our anxiety and stress to always be high. He wants us to trust Him that everything will work out and that we have nothing to worry about.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
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