Clear Blue Sky

I was discharged from a 13 day hospitalization in the psych unit yesterday. I think it was my 14th hospitalization.

I majorly needed some medication changes, as I became resistant to one. My first few days in the hospital were a blur, with paranoia taking over and darkening my world to the point that I felt that everyone on Earth was against me. As the days went by, I told my nurses exactly what I was feeling and believed to be true. Some later told me that they had never seen the amount of insight that I had about my mental illness before. Even at my darkest, I was trying to climb up the ladder out of the pit as I fought to overcome the fog and terror that invaded my mind.

Paranoia is frightening.

But God can overcome and conquer anything.

About a week in to my stay, I began to feel much better. I honestly did not really keep track of the medications since I usually tend to believe I have a ton of side effects. I let the nurses/doctors do what they do best and left the rest up to God.

They told me they added a medication about a week and a half in and almost immediately, I felt a huge weight lift out of my head. I thought clearly for the first time in awhile. The paranoia began to dissipate until it was totally gone. The dark clouds gave way to a bright sun and a clear blue sky.

On one of the last days of my visit, a nurse asked me how my paranoia was. I replied, "What paranoia?" I cannot even describe the joy we both felt. I think I was grinning from ear to ear.

I got home yesterday and spent about 7 hours on the phone with friends and family.

To all those who supported, encouraged, prayed for, cared about, and helped me through the last 2 weeks, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I was a little upset that I had to break my 14 month streak without a hospital visit, but I know I made the correct choice by going there. I would rather stay 2 weeks in the hospital to get my medications adjusted correctly than not. I am eternally grateful for all of the support I received.