The Long Journey

“If we will not wait, we will not receive the many blessings the Lord intends for us. The Lord is not a God of quick fixes and fifteen-minute spiritual tune-ups, but a God of long-term, and indeed eternal promises.” 

- Thomas D. Williams, Can God Be Trusted?

I have had many points in my life in which I was frustrated about how long it seemed that God was taking to answer my prayers.

Growing up, I was and still am the only person in my family who has not dealt with drug or alcohol addiction. As I watched drugs and alcohol tear my family apart, I spent countless hours praying and reading Scripture. I cannot even begin to tell you how many prayers I said for each of my family members.

Recently, my family has begun to come together and overcome the addictions. As frustrating as it was to pray for many years, it is very encouraging how far my family members have come.

However, my oldest brother committed suicide in 2007. After years of dealing drugs, spending many hours in various prisons across the East Coast and with the FBI after him at one point, he gave up the fight.

So did God not answer my prayers?

I believe He answered my prayers in an unexpected way. God used his death to do something wonderful…

His death brought my family together. Not just my immediate family, but my external family on my mother’s side, who had not talked to each other in many years.

God truly can take the worst situations and make something great out of them. Often, though, this is a very long process. I spent most of my life praying for my family and just in recent years, I have seen my prayers being answered.

I have been hospitalized nine times in the past seven years. In that same time, my doctors gave me 14 different medications. During my most recent hospitalizations, I had almost given up hope on my doctors ever finding the right medication.

But once again, God answered my prayers, even though it took seven years. The medication I am currently on has had very positive effects on me. I sleep better.  I think more clearly. I eat better. I am able to control my emotions easier. I am able to concentrate.

As frustrating as it is to wait for God to answer our prayers, when the victory comes, it is felt even stronger. The darker the pit, the more glorious the light of God looks. The more time we spend in despair, the more our hearts are full of joy when God's love shines through.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Facing the Giants. In this movie, a football coach faces various obstacles but he finds faith in God throughout the movie. At the end of the movie, one of his biggest prayers is answered. In a few words, he summarizes what it is like when God answers our prayers, no matter how long we have to wait: God, I’m overwhelmed.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Psalm 40:1-3

“I waited patiently for the Lord; 

and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. 

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, 

out of the miry clay, 

and set my feet upon a rock, 

and established my goings. 

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, 

even praise unto our God: 

many shall see it, and fear, 

and shall trust in the Lord.” 

–Psalm 40:1-3 (KJV)

I promise that if you wait for God to answer your prayers, knowing that He never gives up on you or abandons you, He will surprise you. He not only answers prayers but sometimes He answers prayers in a completely different way than you expected… most often much better than you expect.

Will you wait for His answers? What will you do as you wait?

Renewed Day By Day

“If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith!”

-Luke 12:28 (NIV)

This verse came to my mind this morning as I took this photo:

I’m going to admit it. Sometimes it is hard to trust God.

Growing up, there were many times when my family was not sure how much food we would have for the next week. But God always shown through.

God always provides, maybe not when we want Him to or how we want Him to, but He always does...

When my mother lost her job when I was growing up, we were worrying a lot about money. When she was volunteering as a teacher for Vacation Bible School at our church, one of the other women asked me to get the key to our family van. I did not think twice so I got the key. Later, when we were getting ready to leave the church, we opened up the van. Our van was full of food and supplies. I still cry to this day thinking about it. One of the women at my church decorated the van with Bible verses, including this one:

“For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.”

-Psalm 91:11 (KJV)

In high school, when I was going through a period of “couch-surfing” due to being evicted, one of my teachers gave me a huge bag of really nice hand-me-down clothing. It did not matter to me that the clothes were used. It meant the world to me to have "new" clothes to wear to school.

After we moved in to a new apartment in the middle of my senior year of high school, I started to receive college acceptance letters. Our new fear was now how I was going to finance college. The money that my grandparents had saved up for my education went towards my oldest brother's funeral costs. I was literally left with nothing. But that did not phase God for a second.

Once again, God provided and I recently graduated from college.

I cannot even begin to tell  you how many hours I spent in college trying to figure out how I was going to pay the tuition, how many sleepless nights…

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

-Matthew 6:27 (NIV)

None of us truly can add an hour to our lives by worrying.

Since I have an anxiety disorder, sometimes it is very challenging to not worry. But when I start to worry about things, I try to remember how far I have come and how much God has helped me through every single obstacle I have faced. Why would He stop now after everything He helped me get through?

The question becomes not about if He is going to provide or answer my prayers, but how He will.

With God, we truly have nothing to fear, because He is always on our side.

I’m going to admit it… I think our world needs to change in major ways. I am deeply saddened to know how many people do not pray on a daily basis. Prayer, to me, is the essence of our relationship with God.

The points in my life when I had the most doubts about God were not only the most difficult points in my life, but they also were the times when I was not in communication with God. It was not that He was there… I was just too stubborn to listen. I thought I could handle things on my own. It is really difficult to think about some of the things I said about God. I literally thought I could do everything by myself.

The more I have been in communication with Him lately, I have realized how much I need God to get through the storms. I also realized that our world needs to listen to Him more than ever.

My family has not had a car for six years. I never got my license because the car I was supposed to drive ended up being totaled by a family member. I spent a lot of time frustrated at this family member. How could they leave our family without a car? How could they do that to me? How could they make me have to ask for rides all the time?

But the more I am without a car, I realize how tremendous of a blessing it is not to have a car. I feel like when people drive, they miss out so much of the beauty of God. As they rush to the next meeting or their next destination, they do not have a chance to enjoy the beauty of the sunsets, the sunrises and the beauty of nature. Instead, they are buried in rage at other drivers or so distracted by where they have to get to that they miss the beauty.

I feel completely blessed to not have a car. I highly prefer to walk everywhere I have to be, because I get an opportunity to enjoy all of God’s creation. He speaks to me through nature.

Many people ask me where I take my photos. Most are shocked when I tell them that it is somewhere they pass by all of the time.

I am left asking, When did our society get too busy for God? Why is our only communication with God usually the one hour service on Sunday?

The more time I have spent with God lately, the more I realize how powerful, how majestic, and how beautiful He is…

I am literally going through one of the most difficult times in my life, but the more time I spend with Him, the more I realize that God’s got my back when nobody else does. He can piece together my life in a way that nothing and nobody on this earth can. He is not just a crutch… He holds my life together when I literally feel everything falling apart. He weeps with me, empathizes with me, and is there when my surroundings seem dreary, cloudy and dark.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” 
-2 Corinthians 4:16 (NIV)

Let God renew your life. I can promise you from experience that it will be the best step you ever make in your life. Allow Him to be the center of your life. Allow Him to take away your fears and doubt.

And it’s not just a two-second decision. Walking with God is a process and a journey. I did not just wake up one day and say “Hallelujah! Jesus is the center of my life.” For me, God has shown Himself in so many parts of my life that I have no other decision but to believe in Him and spend my life getting to know Him.

My pastor posted this video and I wanted to share it, because I think it really illustrates how God can take our brokenness, the points when we feel “worn,” and make something absolutely beautiful with the mess. He truly can take the worst situations and turn them into something absolutely gorgeous and amazing.

I cried the first time I watched this video because I have felt "worn." I have had many moments in my life when I felt like I couldn't go on. My prayer is that no matter where you are at, no matter how difficult things are in your life, that you allow God to work through you and in you.

Serenity Within the Battle

“Trust in God allows us to accept the many ups and downs in life with the assurance that he has a bigger plan, and that he knows what he is doing.”

- Thomas D. Williams, Can God Be Trusted?

There are so many things in this life that are so tough to accept.

My maternal grandfather took his life when I was just seven years old. If you read my diaries from when I was a little child, I admired him so much. Needless to say, I was very upset when I learned of his death. My early diary entries were all questions about what heaven was, where grandpa was, when I would see him again, if he was with God...

As a little child, it was so difficult for me to accept that my grandfather was gone.

My grandfather's favorite prayer to say was a well-known prayer, The Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
-Reinhold Niebuhr

There are so many things in this life that we wish never happened or that we could change. But our past is out of our control. It is done with. Over. We cannot change anything that has happened in our past. Often, I want to change what happened in my childhood. I have a lot of quotes on my wall and one of my favorite ones says "It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else." It is a reminder that I can only control what happens now and I do not have to let the regrets of the past rule over my life.

Staying in the present is really difficult for me as I deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In a matter of seconds, at random points of each day, I am back in various traumatic experiences I endured as I grew up. All of my senses tell my brain that I am back there. My muscles tense up. I do not hear anything around me, except what happened in the past. The fear and terror invade my mind. I am no longer 23 years old. I am back there, fighting for my life.

Whether or not you struggle with PTSD, I think that every human being deals with the constant battle of either going back to the past or worrying about the future. We spend a lot of time regretting past mistakes or worrying about how we are going to pay the bills.

But God wants us to be in the present, to feel His presence in any circumstance and to move forward with our full trust in Him. No matter what circumstances we are in, no matter how challenging the mountains in front of us seem, He is with us.

I do not know about you, but I find that very exciting. It is comforting to know that no matter how lonely I feel, I truly am never alone.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” –Psalm 46:10a (KJV)

How many times do we truly stop and just take in the awesomeness, goodness and grace of God?

I was very frustrated with some stuff this past week. My frustration led my stress and anxiety to get very high at various points this past week. But I realized that instead of worrying, I could control my reactions in a healthy way and move forward. I stopped, realized how high my anxiety was and I prayed about the entire situation. I read Scripture. I stopped what I was doing and listened to God clearly. I can say that God answered my prayers in amazing ways. Not necessarily how I expected... Actually better than I expected.

I know personally that the more time we stop our busy lives to be still in God’s presence, the less time we spend on our regrets or those things in our past, the less time we spend worrying about the future and the more we accept where we are in this life and that God goes with us.

Many people know that I fell about 40 feet off a four story building a few years ago. Not only did the police officers tell my family that a tree saved my life by breaking my fall, but the doctors told my mother that they were very nervous about my spine due to various burst fractures in my vertebrae. For three months after the fall, I had to wear a body brace. My mother told me that if I did not wear it, my body would literally fall apart. My vertebrae were shattered. 

Every morning for those three months, I woke up and put the body brace on. My body brace felt like a breastplate so each morning as I put on the brace, I prayed that God would help me put on the armor of God.

"Wherefore take up the whole armor of God, 

that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, 

and, having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, 

and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,

and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

withal taking up the shield of faith, 

wherewith ye shall be able to quench 

all the fiery darts of the evil one.

And take the helmet of salvation, 

and the sword of the Spirit, 

which is the word of God."

-Ephesians 6:13-17 (ASV)

With the armor of God and with God all around us and within us through the Holy Spirit, we can get through any storm that comes our way.

This life gets very difficult and many times, we do not know how we will get through the day. Trust me, I know…

But God promises us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He goes with us, so we do not have to be afraid of our future. We have to stick in the present, accept that we cannot change the past and know that our future is in God’s hands.

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: 

for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; 

he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” 

–Deuteronomy 31:6 (KJV)

I want to end this blog with my favorite version of two well-known hymns that really illustrates what it is like to put our faith in God and to know that He walks with us.

If we let Him lead us, there truly is nothing to fear…

Hands and Feet

That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

-James 4:6 (NIV)

Do you ever feel like when God is teaching you something or you’ve been talking about something that God is teaching you, He tests you even more?

I have felt like that a lot lately.

Ever since I have been blogging about humility and how God is helping rid me of my pride, I have had more temptations lately.

But when I want to tell someone something great that I have been doing or thinking about, I have been trying to stop myself and ask, “What is my main aim here? Is it to gain their admiration? Is it to make them think I’m cool?”

I have gotten to a point in my life in which I honestly do not want my name to be known but I want His to be known through my words and my actions.

Through my prideful actions, I have hurt a lot of people and I do know that. I wish I could apologize to each and every person.

True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.

-Socrates

I agree with Socrates because compared to everything there is to know, I probably know less than 0.000000001% of all the knowledge there is. There are hundreds of websites created each day with new information about new technologies from new companies.

There is no way that one could possibly know everything.

Except God…

God knows you. He knows me. He knows everything about this world. He knows everything about this universe. He designed quantum physics. He designed the central nervous system. He designed our DNA.

One thing that God has been speaking to me about throughout this humbling experience is that as Christians and as human beings we are called to serve others.

Jesus said...

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

-John 15:13 (KJV)

We are called to be servants of Christ. We are called to put on the armor of God every single morning and allow God to work through us in every situation. Every interaction we have with others is a God-given opportunity to show God’s love to others.

I’m going to admit...This is hard.

But it is so worth it.

As servants of Christ, I do not think we are called to let others take advantage of us. But I do believe that if we let God work through us in our relationships with others, God can do miraculous things.

Some of my pride comes from trying to prove myself to others and to myself. As a child, I went through unimaginably bad circumstances and as a result, I grew up feeling like a nobody, like I had nothing to offer to this world. But at the same time, I overcame many challenges, I focused on my gifts to the point that all I wanted to do was talk about my gifts instead of letting people know my deep feelings of hurt and despair. I did not really let anybody into that deep, dark part. I wanted them only to see my gifts and talents.

Throughout this experience, I have learned that I do not need to prove myself to anybody. All I need to do is allow God to work through me.

This is a process and we make mistakes. I still have moments when I feel prideful or that I need to prove myself because of the deep feelings of shame and guilt. But in those moments, God keeps changing and transforming me to be who He needs me to be in this world, if we let Him.

I know that He will do the same for you, no matter what you are personally dealing with.

I’m going to leave you with a song by one of my favorite bands, Casting Crowns. It talks about different situations in the church in which people feel left out and it begs the questions about why the church is not being the “hands and feet” of God as much as we can be. I think part of that is humbling ourselves before God and truly surrendering our lives so that He can change the world through us.

Our True Home

“We validate our existence with a flurry of activity. We do more, buy more, achieve more.” –Max Lucado, Grace

How true is this?

Every day we are bombarded with everything that we have to do. We try to do everything we possibly can do to be successful.

What if I said that none of that matters… That there is more to life than everything that you do to be successful?

I am going to say that. Because a few months ago, all I cared about was being the best I could be at everything I did. I wanted to be the best and all I cared about was awards.

As I knelt down on the floor of my apartment and prayed in October, crying out to the Lord for him to humble me, I had no idea what would happen in the past few months. I had no idea that the very next day, I would find myself in the hospital with a concussion. I had no idea that over the next 8 days, I would be battling a dystonic reaction or that I would have bouts of spasms and stuttering throughout the past few months. God answered my prayer in a very difficult way but I see all of the challenges I've faced as a tremendous blessing. It has humbled me. I still have some struggles with pride, but God continues to help me through that. I do not believe the journey is over.

Every day, God shows me that there is so much more than the nitty-gritty, mundane things of life. There truly is so much more to this life than what’s on TV tonight or how much homework you have to finish by tomorrow.

The more I spend time in God’s presence and hear His voice, the more I am truly in awe of Him. The more time I spend at the lake, just being still and in His presence, the more joyful I feel even though I am going through a very difficult period of my life. The more I center my life around God, the more happiness I feel.

Our God is truly beautiful.

When we stop to be still, we start to see the beauty beyond all of the stuff in our way which blocks us from seeing the beauty in this world.

Max Lucado goes on to say…

“Your identity is not in your possessions, talents, tattoos, kudos, or accomplishments. Nor are you defined by your divorce, deficiencies, debt or dumb choices. You are God’s child.” –Max Lucado, Grace

Read that again. I had to read it quite a few times myself.

Isn’t it incredibly powerful to have our true identity as God’s child? I think it’s pretty awesome.

I just graduated college in May 2012. I graduated at the top of my class, with a Bachelors with two minors in the Honors program. In college, I worked on five research projects at five separate universities across the country. Needless to say, I was a bit crazy in college.

I worked hard, but does that all really matter?

The more I focus on God, the more I see the greater picture of life. The more I realize that there is so much more than being the best. So much more than getting ten million awards.

I think our main goal in this life should be to allow God to be the center of our lives. Because no matter who hurts you, no matter what obstacles come your way, He will be there. He will be there when there is no one else. He’s not just there, either. He gives you the strength and guidance to get through. Sometimes, He even carries you.

Some people say that being Christian or religion is too “restrictive.” They think that becoming a Christian means that all the joy and fun is taken out of life.

I beg to differ.

The more I get to know God, the more excited I get about life. The peace and joy I feel honestly make no sense, especially at such a difficult time in my life. Yet I still wake up every morning, with such joy and excitement, because I know that I will see the beauty of God. I know that God will lead me through the challenges. I know that through Him, I will continue to make a difference in this world.

I wanted to share something I posted on Facebook this morning, because it is something that God is teaching me:

Each new day is a gift, a blessing from God. Each new day is an opportunity to make the most of our precious time here. Each new day is an opportunity to move forward, not to look back but to continue to crawl, walk, run or sprint towards God's loving arms. Each day is an opportunity to make the world a better and more peaceful place. Each day is new for a reason. Today can be different than yesterday and tomorrow can be different than today. So make the most of your time. Spread a message of love, hope, peace and joy. 

As I have shared throughout many posts, I grew up in a very difficult family situation. I even had points in my life when I “couch-surfed” from home to home after running away and then becoming evicted. Through those situations, I came to realize that a home is not just a building. Our true home is in God’s loving arms. Our true home is peaceful, not full of hate. Our true home is full of love, not fear. In our true home, unconditional love takes us in.

To Love Beyond The Hurt

“If I hadn’t let go of that anger, I’d be consumed by this need for revenge. Forgiving him helps me move on.” –Victoria Ruvolo

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the library to return some books. Since I have a bunch of books already out, I had not planned on looking for other books, but something told me to check the New Books section. I came across Max Lucado’s new book “Grace” and began reading it last night.

In this book, Max talks about Victoria Ruvolo’s story. A teenage boy tried to pull a prank on her, which ultimately landed her in the ICU struggling to stay alive. She chose to forgive this boy, though, and a judge gave him a reduced sentence.

Something that God has been speaking to me a lot about lately is forgiveness. Throughout my life, I have constantly been deeply hurt by those I loved the most. To tell you the truth, I love those people still, but deep inside, I do still feel angry about what they have done to me.

Why would they do that to me? Why was I not protected? Why have I protected others, but when it comes to protecting me, nobody was there? How could I be hurt so deeply by those I love and care for so much?

I also have some anger towards myself as well.

Why did I let them do those things to me? So what if I was a little kid and didn’t know any better- I knew it was not the right thing to do, so why did I do those things? Is there something wrong with me?

These are the questions I have been dealing with a lot lately.

Deep down, I know that if I want to move forward, then I need to forgive myself and also truly forgive those who have hurt me.

Part of the reason it has been so difficult to forgive is that most of those people have not really changed. Most of them have yet to even apologize for what they have done to me. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to forgive them if they keep doing the same thing that led me to forgive them in the first place.

But isn’t that how God works towards us?

I know personally that I have apologized to others and God for something and then continued to do the same thing, usually not on purpose. Sometimes I believe that true repentance is a process, not just a click of the finger and everything’s okay. To truly change a behavior takes time.

No matter what, though, God always forgives us. And His forgiveness is a gift, not something that we can earn by doing good things.

Max Lucado shines light on one of the most symbolic representations of the forgiveness we find in God. He talked about how Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. Jesus Christ became a servant and literally washed the feet of those who doubted him and even betrayed him.

I do not know if I would even be able to wash the feet of those people in my life who have hurt me so deeply.

But as Christians and as human beings, I believe that we are called to forgive. It’s not necessarily for those who have hurt us. It is about moving forward and not letting the anger rule our lives. It is not saying what the person did was right at all, which is something I have personally struggled with.

As I have shared previously, in the past few months when I was having bouts of spasms and stuttering, I was mocked, laughed at and ignored at various times by many people. In those times, I continually said to myself, “Forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.”

Jesus Christ came to love and to heal, yet he was mocked, laughed at, ignored, and eventually brutally murdered by those he loved. I find truth in those words that He said on the cross, because I have felt them and said them. I have prayed for and loved those who have hurt me, not by my strength but through God’s strength. The people who hurt me in the recent months and also throughout my life probably do not know the full extent of how deeply they hurt me. But they do not need to, because I still love them and I realize that they probably did not know everything that they were doing. They did not know everything that was going on. They did not realize how deeply it hurt to be laughed at when I was trying so hard to control my uncontrollable spasms. But I realized that in order for me to move forward, I needed to ask God to help me forgive them in those moments. I did not want anger to rule over me.

On a larger scale, I am currently working towards forgiving those who have hurt me on a much deeper level and for much longer periods of time in my life. Forgiveness, I think, is one of the most important steps in the healing process, but it tends to be the most difficult as well, especially forgiving ourselves.

I do not know everything about forgiveness, and I do not think I can honestly say that I have fully forgiven those in my past. But what I can say is that I am on the journey towards forgiveness and healing. Not for those who have hurt me. But for my ability to move forward and to do everything that God has called me to do. Again, forgiveness is a process and a journey.

To forgive is to live. To forgive is to heal. To forgive is to move forward.

Our True Definition

“Your past doesn’t define who you’re going to be. It’s okay to look back in the rearview mirror, but don’t stare. You can learn from your history, but don’t let it define you.” –Almost Home, pg. 171

As I read this earlier, the sheer power in these simple words really spoke to me. Something that I have been struggling with for the past few years, especially after leaving my home to go to college, was the collision of my past with my future. As I have mentioned before, it’s like I live two lives: the overachiever/perfectionist and the person who deeply hurts and is struggling to get through each day. Needless to say, it is confusing. Not only to me, but also to those around me.

However, my past does not define who I am. Who I am is someone who has overcome many challenges and risen above them by the grace of God. Who I am is somebody who was told many times that I would not make it, that I have been through too much and that I would end up on the streets, doing drugs. But I did not. I am still here, continually fighting.

I can say from experience that the circumstances of your childhood and throughout your life do not have to define who you are. They can be a part of who you are, but you are not defined by your circumstances. The moment I watched my last family member get arrested was very difficult, but it was one of the most pivotal moments in my life as well. It was in that moment that I realized I had a choice to make, a very important one: either I was going to follow the same route or I was going to break the cycle and do something amazing with my life. I chose the latter.

Our true definition is found in God. We are His children and He cares deeply about each of us.

Sometimes that is really difficult to believe or even say. I know, because when I am reminded of my past constantly, I often wonder if I am really His. I mean, why would all of these people in my life, people I trusted, do such awful things? Something must really be wrong with me...

That is not what God says to us though.

God tells us that we are worth it, when everyone around us tells us we are worthless. God tells us that we are strong, when everyone and everything tells us we are weak. God tells us that we are beautiful, when everything around us tells us we are ugly. God helps us to piece back our life, when everything around us is broken, when every part of our soul feels shattered.

He never lets go of us, no matter how far away we feel.

What I love about the quote above also is that it reminds us that we can learn from our history. We can learn from our past. Not just on an international or a national level, but also on a deeper personal level. A large part of my success in life has come from the moments when I had to do everything possible to survive. I learned to be creative. I learned to use what I had to get through, to overcome and to move forward. I learned to make the most of everything that I was given.

I know firsthand that some of our greatest gifts in this life come from our deepest and darkest times.

It is in those moments that we learn to truly and fully rely on God to get through the storms.

I wanted to leave with another quote, a few pages later in the same book…

“I became compassionate because there was a time I needed compassion. I’m so caring because there was a time I wanted someone to care.” -Almost Home

As I have relived and continue to relive my past through flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive memories, I continually realize how incredibly blessed I am to be where I am. No matter how difficult all of my situations were and still are, I am incredibly blessed. My greatest gifts came from having to survive the unimaginable.